Lisa’s Daily Musings …
When I was pregnant with my last beautiful baby girl, Jovie-Bell (who’s 4th birthday it is tomorrow) I was living in the darkest time of my whole life.
I was so fucking broken that I only saw one way out of the pain and darkness … and that was to just end my life.
I remember one night … laying on my cold bathroom floor … crying uncontrollably into a towel … trying to hind the noise of my pain from my other 2 children who were asleep in the room next to me.
This had become my norm.
This is how I spent every night … for that last 6 months.
As soon as my kids went to bed, I could finally let go and allow the pain to flow freely from me.
The pain was more than emotional pain – it was manifesting into actual physical heartache … it really fucking hurt.
Every tear felt like another knife in my heart.
I lay there, sad … lonely … hurting … totally out of control.
I decided that this was it – I just couldn’t go on any longer.
This had been my norm for far too long … I just wanted the pain to stop!
As I sat there in my bathroom, tears running down my face, feeling cold and hurt … looking around for a way to end it all … I reached for the razor blade on the side of my bath.
The sadness was eating away at me and consuming every tiny part of who I used to be, who I was, who I could be.
It was time to end it!
I just couldn’t go on any longer!
I just couldn’t handle this pain anymore!
I just wanted to sleep … forever!
But …
I didn’t end it … obviously!
As I sat there, wallowing in my own self-pity, with tears and snot all over my face, struggling to see through the darkness … I realised 2 HUGE important things …
1 – I had children!
And one who was inside my body, needing me to live so that she could live.
I couldn’t possibly do something SO selfish that would ruin their lives forever.
If I took my own life … I would be taking Jovie-Bell’s life and taking away part of my other children life. Nothing would ever be the same for them again. I would have just transferred my own pain onto them … Fuck that!
2 – I had a fucking choice!
I had a choice to change all this.
At that moment in time, I realised that I was just choosing to feel the pain, choosing to live in darkness, choosing to have a shitty fucking existence.
I had a choice to change … if I wanted it.
I may not have known HOW … but the choice was still there … the choice was mine.
I really didn’t know HOW I was going stop my pain, change my situation or make my life better but I did know I had the choice to … if I wanted to.
So …
I chose to put the razor down
I chose to wash the tears and caked on snot from my face
I chose to go downstairs, make a cuppa and have a cigarette
I chose to go to bed, sleep and wake up to a new day
I chose to continue making my choices and change my world …
And today … today I’m still doing the same.
If I find myself in a shitty situation that I don’t like … I know I have the choice to change it. Everything is in MY fucking control and everything is also in YOUR control too.
Look …
If life is kicking you in the tits right now … or business is crappy … then you have the CHOICE to change.
But … nothing will EVER change until you realise this.
Not making the money you want in your business?
Then make a decision to change that!
Not making the impact you want in the world?
Then make a decision to change that!
Not happy with where your business is going?
Then make a decision to change that!
You don’t need to fucking know HOW … I sure as hell didn’t know how I was going to stop the pain I was feeling or how to get out of the darkness …
I just decided I was going to … then … took one step at a time.
You have a choice!
In everything you do … or not do!
Everything happening in your life right now … weather awesome or shitty … is down to the choices you have or have not made.
We all make fucking mistakes … that’s a given … some more extreme than others …
That doesn’t mean we have failed …
It doesn’t mean we suck …
It doesn’t mean we should wallow in our own self-pity and stress over it.
It just means we have to make some NEW choice!
Choice .. Decisions … this is what gives us power!
Gives us the power to control our lives and how shit will pan out.
But you need to realise you DO have a choice.
When things are not what you want them to be, then just make a fucking choice to change it!
It’s not going to change until you do make that choice.
You’ll be stuck there, here, in this shitty as fucking situation forever UNLESS you make a CHOICE and change it.
Making the decision to change is the first fucking step!
If I can pull myself off that bathroom floor and away from suicide … then you can pull yourself out of your current shitty situation.
If I can do it … so can you!
When I look back at that time of my life … I still see so much pain but I’m so fucking grateful for it.
If I hadn’t gone through all that … I would never have started my awesome transformational journey into spirituality, self-development, mindset … which is what lead me to where I am right now.
I made a choice that day …
I chose to change my life forever …
I didn’t know how, where, what, when … but I just made the fucking choice to change!
And change is what I did!
If I can do it … so can you!
What decision and choices are you going to make??
PS – PLEASE SHARE
I wrote this blog in the hope that those who read it will feel inspired and motivated to make the choice they need in their life and business … but also to show those who are struggling with depression and darkness that there is a light at the end of the tunnel … there is a way out. Please share this post so others can read it. I hope it helps.
Love & Light
Your Empire Creation Queen 👑
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